Friggin' Reality

Nothin' ever seems to turn out right
I don't wanna grow up.
How do you move in a world of fog
That's always changing things
Makes me wish that I could be a dog
When I see the price that you pay
I don't wanna grow up
I don't ever wanna be that way
I don't wanna grow up.


Despite the occasional urge to pitch a hissy fit complete with kicking and screaming and the holding of breath, I really don't mind growing up. It's actually quite nice. But new developments of a certain nature have gotten me looking to cause an unnecessary scene.

So both folks who peruse my blog probably know all about the situation with my grandmother. If not, just a quick overview of the whole messy thing:
Grandmother is 93 and she has a very advanced case of osteoporosis. She recently fractured her shoulder, making it clear to everyone (even Grandmother reluctantly) that she can't be alone at all anymore. The past few weeks, Mom and Dad and me and my Uncle have been trading out staying with her for certain periods at night (we have a lady who stays with her during the day too). Mom and my Uncle have been spending the night.

Well, now a decision has been reached. Grandmother will stay for a month at a time at my parents' house and my aunt and uncle's. Neither one of them can handle her being there all the time. Grandmother may be brittle, but she's still fiesty and EXTRAORDINARILY stubborn. And the prospect of putting her in a home is just too much for her and for everybody else. That and it's horribly expensive.

So of course, they're selling the house. And I am thinking about buying it. I just don't want it to go to somebody who won't take care of it. I also am of the mind that Grandmother might be a little bit easier knowing that one of her grandkids is there taking care of it. And I'm tired of throwing money down a rent hole every month. But Mom handed me a heavy dose of reality last night.

I knew the house was a fixer-upper. There's not even a shower in there - just an old cast iron tub (which is SO staying if I can help it). But then you get into the nitty gritty. The wiring most definitely needs to be repaired if not entirely replaced, there may be a major mess under the siding (which has been there since the 50s), and I'll eventually need to do something about the plumbing. I could deal with the ancient old gas heater for a while, but it'd probably be a good idea to get central heat and air in there at some point. And before I can do anything, we have to get it apraised and inspected before I can even go talk to the bank. How the hell does one accomplish/pay for that?!

On the other hand, I know how much I can afford to pay for the house and repairs. And I'd be buying from family. My boss has a lot of good connections and I can ask advice from him in many cases (and he's very cool about that sort of thing). I'd have my own place I could paint/decorate any way I want and a garden to plant tomatoes and flowers in. I could have a cat. And it'd still be in the family.

I just wish I didn't have to do all this waiting around and dealing with the uncertainty.

Oh, and advice is more than welcome!



Tom Waits doesn't want to grow up either. Be prepared for much Tom wierdness.

Randomness

My back was turned I did not see
that shadow climbing up on me.
I took my turn at fixing hearts
but that goes bad before it starts.


I know it was over a week ago, but just for s&g's, here are some pictures I took from the Jason Isbell show. Not the best, but we were on the balcony and there was a lot of cigarette smoke between us and the band.

It was an awesome show. Isbell will have no problem holding his own whether he's gone solo or goes back to the Drive By Truckers. The new album is eloquent and gorgeous and I would not hesitate to see him play live again. He played everything I wanted to hear, and he was great with the crowd (in his own way). He's uber laid-back, but at the end of the show, he shook every hand that streatched out to his. He was genuine and kind and it thrilled me to see it...

...even if he does look freakishly like my high school boyfriend, Luke.

On another note:

I've decided that, instead of continuing to torture myself over the fact that I can't seem to get past this certain section of my book, I'm going to read more. I need to read more anyway, but I've been looking at certain things that might light a fire under my ass or inspire me in some way or in the very least supply me with more allusions and literary tricks and treats. Of course I'll still be writing when the mood strikes, but taking notes and reading what other people write often gets my mind bending toward a better way to execute my frustrating little passion of telling tales.

Any suggestions would be more than welcome by the way.

Still Another Note:

My 93-year-old grandmother fell and fractured her shoulder. Even in a healthy 93-year-old, this is a big deal, but my grandmother has osteoporosis really really badly, so she's doing well to sit in her chair without crumbling. I sat with her a couple nights last week. She's really annoyed that she can't do anything. It's really a horrible thing to have as sharp a mind as ever, but to be unable to do much anything with it because the body's in such bad shape. I love her endlessly, but she can be pretty difficult in this state. My mother said it, and I belived it, but I didn't feel it until these couple days I sat with her: Grandmother is the most stubborn person who ever lived. She could give a mule lessons in stubborn. It's absolutely unreal. She will NOT be moved, no matter how small or insignificant the case may be. Throw 93 and brittle into the bargain and you've got yourself a handful. The thing that amazes me is that I don't even get it half as bad as my mom. Bless her heart - in a truly and deeply sincere way - bless her heart.

Just remind me to take my calcium.

Corey

I've had days when he almost started to get on my nerves, which is a big fear with me. I'm terrified that I lose interest in every decent man I come in contact with. But then he stopped getting on my nerves and I ended up liking him even more. This cycle has run through about twice. So I'm feeling pretty good about this whole Corey/Jennifer thing right now. Y'all keep your fingers crossed for this one. He's worth routing for.

Yeah, he's dreamy.

So here's some more Jason Isbell - I'm just terribly impressed.