At the Precipice

Don't be caught with your drawers down
You can step right up, step right up...

Well, maybe not so much a precipice, because I don't think there's any danger involved...well, there could be. I just hope I can follow Tom Waits' advice and not get caught with my drawers down.

This is my first week of classes at Coosa Valley Tech. I finally know what business course I'm taking, so I now know my schedule. And that schedule is Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday from 5:30-10:00 - in the evening. Ouch. But I keep telling myself it's the means to the end. Financial independence and a job I'm not ashamed of - yep, I believe that's worth it.

But it's really not so much the job I'm ashamed of as myself. I know I can do better, and this is my opportunity to prove to myself that I can kick as much ass as I want (figuratively speaking of course). I'm excited, but I'm worried too. I'm just terrified that I'm not as smart as I think I am, and I'm afraid that these classes are going to be more difficult than I think they are. And then there's also that residual effect of the havoc my year of teaching wreaked on me: that fear that I'm going to fail miserably once again.

Yet I must straighten my shoulders and raise up my chin and do my best. Really all those fears are just a trick my mind is playing on me. At least I'm aware of it. I've got my books (that HOPE Grant is really a wonderful thing - I paid $18.77 for $118.77 worth of books), I've got my supplies (I've MISSED buying school supplies), and I'm ready to go.

But first, I have to endure this Grant Committee meeting thing for NERA. I'm not at all familiar with the process of all this political environmental, just plain mental hoopla, but I've talked to our knowledgeable and wise (wait...maybe not wise, but certainly knowledgeable) Executive Director, Professor Jones (as I like to call him) and now that I know a little more about the whole Grant process and all the things that need to be done before the May 31st deadline, I'm a little annoyed.

We have done exactly jack squat to get the ball rolling on this grant thing. The rest of the committee is talking about public meetings and trying to get certain members of the community to help out and whatnot. I do understand the need to gain support and raise the money. But we only have so much time. If these folks had half the passion people like Professor Jones have about this topic, they'd already be out there annoying people into helping. We haven't even had the grant writer at a meeting yet! All I know is that action speaks louder than words, and I ain't seeing a whole lot of action. It's time to buckle down.

Same goes for me. I will have exactly one night to myself this week, and that is Friday. I'm not used to this full of a schedule, but I'm sure I can do it - if I buckle down. And at this point in my life, failure is not an option.


Okay, so here's "Hysteria" by Muse - this song never fails to help me summon the power that lies dormant within my languid little body. Epileptics beware.