Monday, November 12, 2007

The Cliffs of Insanity!!!

This storm it came up strong
It shook the trees
And blew away our fear
I couldn't even hear

You know how when you've had horrible experiences in the past, all new experiences of the same sort (either good or bad) have a sort of shakey presence in your mind? That's where I am at the moment.

Everything is going so remarkably well with Corey that I'm beginning to fear the worst. The bottom has always fallen out on my relationships in the past, so I guess I'm just fearful that it will here too. I know it's not right to always be in fear of things going wrong, and I do fight very strongly against it.

I don't fear at all when Corey's around. It's just the whole, "Is he okay? Did he get to work all right? Is he lying face down on the asphalt somewhere?" thing. Just abject, unreasonable worry. I'll get past it soon enough, though. I generally get over this sort of thing pretty quickly.

Other than the whole Jennifer losing her mind thing, things really are amazing with Corey.

Last weekend, during the paddle trip, I was teasing him viciously. When he flashed the "mean ole girlfriend" face and threatened to call DFACS for a foster girlfriend (again), I let slip an apologetic, "I love you." He just grinned and said that he loved me too. This was a first, and I was happy with that because he honestly doesn't have to say it. I know.

But then that Sunday when he was about to head home to get ready for the mean ole' week, I got the very first, out and out, direct, "I love you" from him. Although I already knew that he loves me and he knew that I love him, it certainly was nice to hear it.

Ever since then, I get the declaration once a day - and that's more than enough.

I hate saying it too often, because almost every time I've said it previously, it was overused. Then (inevitably) the relationship ended up falling flat, and I ended up eating my words. The "I love you" declaration is too often and easily used as a band-aid for a doomed relationship. I refuse to allow that with Corey.

Anyway, here's to many more lazy Sunday viewings of the Princess Bride and more of JW's wine. Love really is a splendid thing.

Corey looking delightfully rugged on the river.

REM doing "Half a World Away" - one of my favorite REM songs.


  1. Facebook photos don't show, silly.

    And you're aware that the incessant worry is what ultimately dooms these relationships, right?

  2. Does nobody pay attention to qualifying remarks and words anymore?


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