Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Give me a Break

My back and shoulders have been killing me today, despite the fact that I haven't really exerted them - certainly not to warrent this kind of pain.

Then I realized why. It's probably because I spent pretty much the entire day yesterday in knots. I don't think I've ever been so tense in my life.

And why would an otherwise laid-back person be so tense? Because her friggin' car is dead.

Yeah, my dear little Zelphia blew a head gasket and cracked a head. We thought it was just a water pump, but once they had that on, they discovered this other dreadful malady. It's going to cost over a grand to fix, but I guess we're getting it fixed so I can at least get a decent trade on it. Zelphia has been suffering for a while because her caretaker is a loser who doesn't pay much attention to car health because she has a gazillion other things to think about. The temperature gauge never went up, so I have no idea of when or how this happened - maybe the whole not-having-any-water-in-it thing had something to do with it. I did put some water in the resevoir not too long ago, but I reckon the pump was that far gone. *sigh*

After I found all this out on Monday, I came home to discover that my doctor's office STILL thinks I owe them over $200 for a yearly exam that should have been totally covered by my insurance.

Oh yeah, and then I went to see my Dad for a minute so he could check the fluids on the car I'm loaning from them, and instead of the sympathy I needed, I got another reminder that it's probably my fault that I don't have a good enough job to afford to buy a new car. "Considering some of the choices you've made..." was what I got. He didn't mean it to be that mean. It's just how my daddy is - blunt and tactless. Gotta love him. I know it's true and I know I've made some bad decisions - I'm probably too aware of it. But his reenforcement of this did make me VERY angry and upset and I ended up having to throw keys and head to the bathroom to cry. Thanks a ton Daddy.

My mind stayed on all these things all day yesterday, and work didn't help matters - especially since this is my big payables week. I was near tears for probably half the day and I couldn't stop mentally beating myself up. Then I had to go to class to transcribe endocrinology reports which are often bad news and I feel bad for the patients even though the dictations I have are probably over 5 years old.

So as a result, my back hurts today. I've decided that after work, I'm going home, cleaning my kitchen, fixing a real meal, and working on my classwork so I can't be mad at myself for letting these usual tasks go unfinished - then I'm playin' Sims where I can type in a code to get more money and my only concerns are how to get my little characters to bed before they pass out on the floor.

Fun times.

Seeing this made me feel better today. Nick Cave cures what ails you.


  1. With oil prices continuing to rise, now is a great time to buy a scooter!

    No, seriously!

  2. This will seem like a meaningless platitude, and it may even be that I'm misunderstanding what you and your dad mean by "the choices you've made." But all of that notwithstanding, I think what I'm going to say here is true.

    If you make personal choices on purely or even mostly economic bases, you will be pretty damn miserable. There are a lot of cliches related to that, but there's a nice piece of wisdom that comes at it from a different angle: follow your bliss and doors will open for you. (that's a bad paraphrase, but you can look it up and get it right; it's Joseph Campbell).

    I find that some kind of scale that puts remuneration in with quality of life and ethics works pretty well for making the big career decisions. You have lots and lots of career ahead of you, and it seems you've made choices that keep doors open rather than closing them just to chase money. That strikes me as pretty good planning.

    Sending you good vibes for more peaceful days ahead!


  3. :^) Thanks for that Patrick. Makes me feel better.


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