Monday, June 30, 2008

When Passive Ought to be More Agressive

I'm an expert of passive-agressive behavior. I'm more guilty of it than most people. In most situations my thinking is, "Well, I know I can take this thing that's bothering me, but I'm not sure if they can take me telling them I'm bothered. Well, I'd rather deal with this than cause a stink."

But the monarch of passive-agressive behavior is my darling dearest. I'm downright assertive compared to him. Whereas I come to a breaking point fairly quickly when something that has bothered me continues to happen, either he has no breaking point or when it comes, it'll be REEEEAAAALLLY messy.

I've talked to him about this a couple times, but I don't know if he's still being passive-agressive and becoming resentful without me knowing or if he's more tolerant because it's me or if he's getting over things that quickly. Whatever it is, I know he's been annoyed without telling me what was wrong. I've begged him to tell me anytime something I've done or that I have a habit of doing starts to get on his nerves. But he usually just asks me not to nag so much and that's it. I know there's more I do that bothers him. And it's bothering me even more that he won't tell me.

Yes, I can be a nag. Yes, I have asked him not to do some things that bother me, but my thinking is that if we don't get some of these things figured out and settled upon now, it's going to be that much harder to break some of these habits down the road when we may be sharing a living space. He needs to know that I'm NOT always going to be the one to do the dishes and I need to know that I'm NOT going to do this or that thing that may bother him. Maybe he hasn't had the benefit of being so INCREDIBLY run over like have. I know he's been taken advantage of A LOT, but so have I. I've lived in fear of asserting myself in the past and I've learned from it. You DO NOT allow yourself to be run over.

Neither of us should have to put up with it anymore - even from each other.

1 comment:

  1. Corey is truly a complicated person, but I think if you were bothering him a lot, you would still be able to tell. He would withdraw from you more and you would feel a distance with him.

    He may be having a problem with someone else besides you right now, and not want to burden you with it. He was always very sensitive about not wanting to weigh other people down with his problems.

    As long as he is still calling you all the time and stopping by your house whenever he can, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

    He was always a very easygoing person, and you hit the nail on the head when you said that maybe he is more tolerant or gets over things that quickly. In my experience with Corey in the past, he was definitely like that. It does come off as aloof, but really, he isn't a ticking time bomb. You are in his inner circle, which means he would tell you if something is bothering him about you. He would just use extreme tact and you would have to read between the lines of a very bizarre poem to be able to know what's up. :)

    If Corey and you are up for it, we would love to get together with you sometime. I don't kayak, but we love going to Rome, so maybe we could meet over there.


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